Most people are familiar with that certain person at work who really gets under your skin. It can be the boss, or a co-worker at your same level, or someone at a lower ranking position. It is a big list, so I will break it into parts. Today, I will be discussing the same level co-worker. In my situation, as a physician, it involves individuals at my same level of duties and education. In particular, they were partners in my practice. One was a narcissist of the highest order. The other was hugely passive-aggressive.
I will start with the narcissist. It this case, it is a he. He was not American and came from a society that was heavily patriarchal. As I was researching dealing with the narcissistic personality, I discovered that there are two broad types. The first is the “grandiose narcissist.” This person always has to get the credit for any good that happens in the life around him. He is very willing to take someone else’s work and make it his to advance his cause and prestige. He may not necessarily be toxic. If you can get inside his circle, you can rise right along with him. But, you have to realize that you will likely not get much credit for the rise. That passive rise is enough for some people to keep their candle burning. Just remember that to cross a narcissist invites a certain amount of their wrath.
The other type of narcissist is the “vulnerable narcissist.” This is, by far, the most toxic type of narcissist. He wants to be seen in the best light possible and will not hesitate to trash to people around him to get there. This is my former partner. This type of person operates from some form of low self esteem. His need for acclaim is so strong that it is all consuming. This particular person is also quite lazy. So, he would cut corners, and avoid work as fas as he could get away with it. But, when something inevitably went south, it was never his fault. He would throw his colleagues and the nursing staff under the bus at a moments notice to deflect the investigation away from him. If you confronted him directly, he’d get angry, then interrogate you in the most derogatory manner until you caved on the subject. But, to the hospital administration, he was “just the nicest guy.” Those of us who were in the trenches with him wanted to smother him with a pillow.
I was the head of the department and I was powerless to stop this guy. He ultimately had to almost kill a patient before anyone would listen to us. Even then, it took 10 months to get him fired. It about killed me. The stress was so great on top of the real work that needed to be done that I think I almost had a stroke. This one year in my life truly burned all of my fuel.
To be honest, I have not yet figured out how to deal with people such as this. You have to be fairly strong in yourself and hold the line to keep them from attacking you. I had to document in great detail all that he said and did or didn’t do. It was tedious to say the least. In the end, it worked. For those of you that might have a vulnerability narcissist as a superior, life at work can be hell and you have no way to defend yourself. Most people in this situation get burned out quickly and move to other job environments. Life is too short to deal with people like this. Ultimately, the Karma Wheel does catch them. Save yourself.
TheRoastedNutt 